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Thread: Post your short jokes here!!!!

  1. #1
    Senior Member ando1250's Avatar
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    Default Post your short jokes here!!!!

    Me and my brother to standing on a bridge, peeign into the water below. My brother said jokingly "man, this water sure is cold!" I replied, "Yeah! And deep too!".......Then my brother got by a car.
    A good plan violently executed now is better than a perfect plan executed next week.
    George S. Patton

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    Senior Member Angriff's Avatar
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    Everybody on earth dies and goes to heaven. God comes and says "I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men that dominated their women on earth and the other line for the men that were whipped by their women. Also, I want all the women to go with St Peter."

    Said and done, the next time God looks the women are gone and there are two lines. The line of the men that were whipped was 100 miles long, on the line of men that dominated women there was only one man.

    God got mad and said. "You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created you in my image, and you were all whipped by your mates. Look at the only one of my sons that stood up and made me proud, Learn from him!" Tell them my son how did you manage to be the only one on that line?

    The man said, "I don't know. My wife told me to stand here.
    TANKER - That dusty, crusty, grease-covered, dirty, sweaty, bright-eyed, fuzzie-faced,
    haircut-needing, beer-drinking, underrated, over-worked, underpaid,
    oversexed, little shit, who can take a tank and do more battlefield damage in
    ten minutes than a Grunt squad can do all day.

    If you ain't Armor, you ain't shit.

  • #3
    Junior Member SSG_TalOnyx's Avatar
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    Soldier walks into a bar, sits down and notices a Marine sitting at the table behind him.
    "Hey Marine!" shouts the Soldier, "Wanna hear a Marine joke?"
    The Marine stands up, "Soldier you must not be very smart... I'm not only a Marine, I'm 6'2 and 220lbs! My Marine buddie here is 6'3 240lbs, and that monster of a Marine at the end of the bar is 6'5 270lbs! Are you sure you wanna tell this joke?"
    The Soldier hangs his head looking disappointed... "Noooo" he drags out, "I don't wanna have to explain it three times..."
    SSG Jayne (25F/25N/25S)

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    Junior Member SSG_TalOnyx's Avatar
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    An Lieutenant, a Sergeant First Class, a Private and a Warrant Officer pilot are flying along, when all of a sudden the bird shakes real hard and a loud alarm sounds. Over the radio the warrant officer states, "This baby's going down! Sorry gents but There's only three chutes and I'm taking one. You've got about one minute to decide before this bird goes into a free spin!" With that the Warrant Officer bailed out.
    The Lieutenant stood up, already tears were streaking down his face. "I know... I know I'm suppose to be in charge... But... I just graduated college! I never expected to have to actually sacrifice anything for anyone else!" He cried. "I... I just can't do this!" With that he grabbed a bag jumped out.
    The Sergeant First Class looked to the Private, "Go ahead 'priat' I've lived a long enough life. This is my fourth deployment and I've seen and done more then anyone person should ever have to. You've got your whole life and career ahead of you." The Sergeant grabbed a chute and handed it to the Private. The Private looked at the Sergeant First Class and smiled.
    "Don't worry 'Sarge' that dumbass Lieutenant grabbed my Ruck-Sack!"
    SSG Jayne (25F/25N/25S)

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    Coming soon *MRT

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    Senior Member Grunt Medic TXARNG's Avatar
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    1991, the first Gulf War - A General and his Sergeant driver are captured in the desert by an Iraqi Battalion. The Commanding Officer, a Colonel, announces they are to be executed - but the Colonel states that in martial tradition, each man will get a last wish. The General states; "Well, I'm a General - I'd like to make a last speech". To which his driver says; "In that case, my last wish is that you shoot me before the General starts speaking!"
    68W4P, 31B4P, 0341, 0844
    24 years and DONE!!!

    "Even if you know that a certain illustration in an art book is from the Kama Sutra, don't point that out to your art history class. They will think you're a pervert." - seen at learnfrommyfail.com

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    Short Timer CWO Sharkey's Avatar
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    Two southern redneck privates in the Army have served a long tour when they are finally promoted to corporal. They decide to celebrate by getting drunk, as is the custom for just about any achievement in the military.

    Once at their favorite drinking establishment, the one new corporal, call him Billy Joe, spots a fine looking barfly and he asks his friend, call him Jim Bob, to go find out about her. That is, to make sure she will be okay to have sex with. So, Jim Bob goes and talks to her, disappears for a minute then comes back and tells Billy Joe that she checked out just fine.
    Well, Billy Joe makes his move and ends up taking her home.

    The next day Billy Joe is feeling poorly and goes to the local clinic where he finds out he has the clap. Furious, he calls his friend Jim Bob.
    Billy Joe: "Jim Bob why did you tell that girl was okay when you knew she had the clap?"
    Jim Bob: "Well, I didn't think it would hurt you none."
    Billy Joe: "Why the hell did you think THAT?"
    Jim Bob: "Well,..I didn't 'zactly know what the clap was. So I went and asked someone and they told me it was a disease affecting the privates, and we ain't privates no more!!!"
    Last edited by CWO Sharkey; 07-30-2011 at 12:00 AM.
    Iraq/Afghanistan Veteran (OIF V & OEF X & XIII)
    101st Airborne Division & 4th Infantry Division combat vet
    Serving overseas

  • #7
    Senior Member Angriff's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SSG_TalOnyx View Post
    An Lieutenant, a Sergeant First Class, a Private and a Warrant Officer pilot are flying along, when all of a sudden the bird shakes real hard and a loud alarm sounds. Over the radio the warrant officer states, "This baby's going down! Sorry gents but There's only three chutes and I'm taking one. You've got about one minute to decide before this bird goes into a free spin!" With that the Warrant Officer bailed out.
    The Lieutenant stood up, already tears were streaking down his face. "I know... I know I'm suppose to be in charge... But... I just graduated college! I never expected to have to actually sacrifice anything for anyone else!" He cried. "I... I just can't do this!" With that he grabbed a bag jumped out.
    The Sergeant First Class looked to the Private, "Go ahead 'priat' I've lived a long enough life. This is my fourth deployment and I've seen and done more then anyone person should ever have to. You've got your whole life and career ahead of you." The Sergeant grabbed a chute and handed it to the Private. The Private looked at the Sergeant First Class and smiled.
    "Don't worry 'Sarge' that dumbass Lieutenant grabbed my Ruck-Sack!"
    Quote Originally Posted by chiefwarrantofficer
    Two southern redneck privates in the Army have served a long tour when they are finally promoted to corporal. They decide to celebrate by getting drunk, as is the custom for just about any achievement in the military.

    Once at their favorite drinking establishment, the one new corporal, call him Billy Joe, spots a fine looking barfly and he asks his friend, call him Jim Bob, to go find out about her. That is, to make sure she will be okay to have sex with. So, Jim Bob goes and talks to her, disappears for a minute then comes back and tells Billy Joe that she checked out just fine.
    Well, Billy Joe makes his move and ends up taking her home.

    The next day Billy Joe is feeling poorly and goes to the local clinic where he finds out he has the clap. Furious, he calls his friend Jim Bob.
    Billy Joe: "Jim Bob why did you tell that girl was okay when you knew she had the clap?"
    Jim Bob: "Well, I didn't think it would hurt you none."
    Billy Joe: "Why the hell did you think THAT?"
    Jim Bob: "Well,..I didn't 'zactly know what the clap was. So I went and asked someone and they told me it was a disease affecting the privates, and we ain't privates no more!!!"
    Haha those are both great
    TANKER - That dusty, crusty, grease-covered, dirty, sweaty, bright-eyed, fuzzie-faced,
    haircut-needing, beer-drinking, underrated, over-worked, underpaid,
    oversexed, little shit, who can take a tank and do more battlefield damage in
    ten minutes than a Grunt squad can do all day.

    If you ain't Armor, you ain't shit.

  • #8
    Junior Member SSG_TalOnyx's Avatar
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    How do you know there's a young company commander in the bar with you? ... Don't worry... He'll tell you...
    SSG Jayne (25F/25N/25S)

    *EOL
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    *Saftey
    *Maintenance
    *Hazmat/Hazcon
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    Coming soon *MRT

  • #9
    Junior Member SSG_TalOnyx's Avatar
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    Worst thing a Lieutenant can say... "Well, in my experience..."
    SSG Jayne (25F/25N/25S)

    *EOL
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    *Combatives L1
    *UPL
    *IASO
    *Saftey
    *Maintenance
    *Hazmat/Hazcon
    *AOAP
    *TMDE Calibrations

    Coming soon *MRT

  • #10

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    Quote Originally Posted by SSG_TalOnyx View Post
    Worst thing a Lieutenant can say... "Well, in my experience..."
    ha how true

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